The iceberg, used in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, represents how our results are driven by our behaviours which are derived from our emotions which are created by our thoughts. Therefore what we achieve is driven by what we think.
|People react and internalise situations differently|
In order to change someone’s results, we need to dive beneath the surface and change the way they think. Most managers tend to float on the surface and concentrate on the performance itself. This usually results in a directive or advisory approach. When you understand how the brain works, then you will understand why these traditional approaches are ineffective long term.
When you recognise that everybody has a different view of the world, then it would follow that what is right for one person isn’t necessarily right for another. Think about this the next time you want to offer your advice to somebody. Yes, it may be good advice for you, and it may be what you would do in that situation, but is it right for them?
Start taking note of conversations over the next month, conversations that you have at home or work or with friends, but also other people’s conversations (honestly, you are not being nosey, you just have a genuine interest in people!)
- Note how often people are not always talking about the same thing even though they think they are.
- Listen to how people’s opinions differ.
- Notice how people get frustrated when they can’t get their point across or the other person doesn’t quite get it.
- How often do people give, a ‘whatever’ answer and just quit trying to explain?
- How often do people give their advice only to have it shrugged off?
- How often do you receive advice that fall on deaf ears?
You will start to smile to yourself as you notice different points of view on the same subject, or different meanings assigned to the same conversation. The next time someone asks you for advice, try asking them questions to help them think it through and come up with their own answers.
Learning Consultant, Capita Learning & Development